Sunday, May 19, 2013


My hair is beginning to fall out and I am scared.  It's one of those things that at first you kind of ignore or make excuses for such as..."well it's always in a pony tail.."  Well my hair has been firmly in a pony tale for about the last 5 years and I don't remember taking a shower and putting a handful of  hair on the edge of the shower so it doesn't clog the drain.  I don't ever remember the waste basket besides my bed all of a sudden accumulating hair that comes out when I run my fingers through it.  Or the new routine of feeling like a need a shower to remove the strands of hair that or lingering on my arms, legs and shoulders.  It's these things that you don't ever remember even crossing your mind.  And then it's the careful examination in front of the mirror and seeing these little areas of a hairline that use to be different.

I don't say this about most of my features, but I love my hair.  I became devastated about fourteen years ago when I became allergic to hair dye.  It took about a year to figure it out.  I kept breaking out in hives around special occasions.  People would say, well maybe you are nervous to be in your cousin's disrespect but why in the hell would I be nervous, I'm not the one getting married.  And then the fateful day when I got a deep deep red color and 6 hours after I got home my neck was so swollen in hives that I took so much Benadryl I was knocked out cold.  When in the morning I still was swollen, I called the salon and said, "are people allergic to hair dye?" and got a resounding "yes."  No fucking way!!!!  Had I known what was coming down the pipe line this would have been a blip, but at the time I LOVED dying my hair.  I tried for awhile all different types, but after landing in Prednisone land for over 2 weeks a wise decision was made that this was the end of the road.  One of the up sides is that because I no longer dyed my hair I have Locks of Loved it twice.

Luckily, I have pretty hair.  The color is really nice, and somehow at 41 so far I haven't gone gray...where is the wood I can knock on.  Now in the grand scheme of things this hair dye thing, though I still miss those fresh shiny locks that seem to wake up your face, it's one more thing that just moved way down on the list.  But this, please no.

Good Hair Day - November 2012
I was okay until I was going through old pictures while putting together a picture book for my niece and saw some photos from this past Thanksgiving, and my friend Jami even said, there is no denying your hair isn't the same.  The good news/ bad news is, I thought it would make me cry.  But it hasn't, and that in it's own way shows me what I have learned to live with or I should say without.  It's hair.

I talked to my doctor briefly about it, and she said she was surprised I hadn't lost more sooner.  So, we will see.  I am ever hopeful it's a temporary situation from the exhaustion of the treatments.  I have three more treatment days left and then the summer off.  So we are working on the plan to "re-build."  If you had given me a list 8 years ago of all that would be taken away from me I would hand you it right back and say give me a bottle of pills and a cozy bed and it's been a good ride.  And then you come to find what you are really made of.

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