I manage to get out of bed this morning and take Sophie outside before Kristine gets here to help me. I get down the stairs which feels like a monumental accomplishment. My body hurts and feels weak. We walk outside to the crisp morning air that smells oddly of sweet deteregent and it takes me by surprise. Across the driveway as Sophie avoids the deep grooves formed by the tile pattern like the little dog from As Good As it Gets. We continue past the mailboxes, cross the main circular drive and get to the grass. I am robotic in getting this done my brain focused only on getting back inside; then I look up. Across the way out of an identical looking condo is a woman my age bouncing towards her car that is on the main drive. Giving the impression that she forgot something and just ran in and out to continue on with her morning and doesn't want to be late. Her hair is dark brown, pulled back but clearly washed and blown dried, from a distance make-up deftly applied. She is dressed smartly and well put together, for this cool Phoenix morning. A pretty Merlot colored sweater, skinny jeans and black boots. She is confident in her stride back to the waiting vehicle...a purpose. I glance at her briefly and between her movements, her build, her style, I look at her with envy and think to myself...that use to be you. I breathe that thought in and mechanically, carefully focused Sophie and I turn back towards the house and somehow make it back up the stairs.