Monday, April 16, 2012

Opposite Day

Like Alice looking through the looking glass most of this illness seems like a cruel homage to the topsy turvy.  Fatigue unrelieved by rest.  Exercise making you worse.  In my case healthy foods making me sick.  Immune system shutting down for viruses, bacteria and fungi and over reacting to the environment you live in.  Smart people with cloudy minds.  Thyroid over-reacting with Thyroid stimulating hormone not responding.  Opposite day - I hate opposite day. Its hard to function day by day living in opposite land - everything distorted and confused.

Opposite day effects all of us, the argument with a co-worker that you just can't see their point - A basketball game where every call goes the other way, every rimmed shot leaves the basket.  The beautiful queen with a heart of stone.  Nothing is as it seems and my opposite day has seemed to turn into my opposite world.

You start questioning up from down and left from right.  The sane from the insane.  I recently read an article that made reference to the fact that chronic fatigue funding was cut off in the early 90's by the NIH because it was deemed a psychological illness.  As someone who was described an anti-depressant to gain weight when I was trying to hover above 100lbs - as someone who was point blank asked by an endocrinologist if I had an eating disorder - as someone who went to a doctor who said because I had a few good days I couldn't be diagnosed with chronic fatigue, despite it being over 5 years of dealing with crazy health issues - as a patient who stopped being patient - who wouldn't start losing trust and losing faith in those we were suppose to trust.  If just one of those many many doctors I had consulted in the early days just said - "I don't know" rather than "you are mistaken" perhaps on the days when I can barely think straight, find it difficult to brush my hair, I wouldn't constantly have to remind myself that this is real.

Some people may think that I distrust all MD's because I see an NMD for my treatments, and don't be fooled because I don't trust most NMD's either - CFS is a complex multi-dimensional illness and if you find the wrong doctor in the traditional or "complementary" field you can fall down the rabbit hole.
I haven't read Alice in Wonderland in years, so I can't remember how she found her way out -

Disqus for Festzeit