Monday, March 19, 2012

Third Time's A Charm...

Its a bit quieter here today.  My sister's family headed home, and I will miss the constant random hugs and "i love you heawa" that a 3 year old gives so freely.  And little GP with his constant chanting "pa pa daddy" "pa pa daddy".  I'm really happy that my parents are here for a few more days, and then its the final 30 day push.  And today, we seem to be on track, because I once again had another blood treatment, so I am getting stronger and able to handle more, but handling more also meant a "healing crisis" as they are known, chills, body aches, headache so I am currently in bed - but my mom stayed home from golfing to hang with me -

People often wonder why I don't take Diflucan for the Candida,  Antibiotics for the Staph and Strep, and then there is the CMV and EBV elevated titers, I could try some anti-virals - but there are a lot of problems with that - first, it doesn't solve the problem of a dysfunctional immune system.  I have read many blogs of individuals on years and years of antibiotics and they still have infections, and then what has that done for their innate immunity but possibly create and antibiotic resistant infection.  You can also think of antibiotics as sweeping through your intestines, and the infections can seep into the crevasses of that very long intestinal tract, and therefore they dig deeper into your system - thus only to re-appear later.

My goal is a cure, not a band aid that could also make me worse off than I am now.  Tonight my "favorite" medical correspondent Dr. Nancy Snyderman spoke just on that - the World Health Organization's extreme warning of where we are headed if we don't stop the mass overuse of antibiotics.  Medicine got themselves into this problem, and I often find that Naturopathic Doctor's face a double standard, people question everything that we do, why why why - yet there is a massive amount of individuals on anti-depressants despite study after study showing that they alone are no better than a placebo.  But yet the ND's get the constant scrutiny, and I am a bit tired of it - I am trying to get to the source, and build up an immunity that was destroyed somewhere along the way - perhaps even because of  the traditional medical worlds narrow focus on healing.

Once again, don't get me wrong, I believe there are fabulous MD's out there, but the focus of Western Medicine has become so specialized that the chronic illness have gotten lost in a sea of specialists.  And I went to them, I went to the Disneyland of Hospitals, the famed Mayo Clinic - but despite their interdisciplinary approach, I hadn't yet seen the endocrinologist, and they focused on my anxiety - anxiety I stated again and again was brought on by the massive weight loss, intolerance of heat and extreme fatigue yet the primary care doc never did a full thyroid panel - setting me back months and months, because I trusted them - I figured I am at the Mayo Bleeping Clinic - if they don't think I have a thyroid problem then who I am to fight this...

So back to the 30 day plunge into the 30 day abyss - I am fighting as hard as I can -letting someone else take control - you lead i will follow - like I said before, poke me prod me ozone me UV light me hydro me - just let me turn the corner - and with all the support I have been getting from my writing - it has lifted me up and I THANK YOU - this has been an eye opening experience - and I have received support and love where I didn't ever see it coming from -  I also knew when I started telling people that I was writing that I needed to have thick non judgmental skin, and I feel that I have succeeded.  There are areas where I blindly thought support would exist and it has gone silent - but that's okay - its not my need or place to require support anymore.  There have been many people the past few years that have seen me and thought I lived a life so different than what I was living,  this is where growing up with a heightened awareness of others, anxiety and learning to live with an uncommon illness have shaped me, and has taught me, tread lightly respect others where they are at, not where you wish they would be.  And never forget you can always be surprised when you least expect it.  I have everything I need from those that I hold so dearly and many more that I hadn't even known existed - I am humbled and blessed - and maybe this was the missing link that will give me the strength to push me to the other side.

                                                    "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"

Dreams Come True

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