Friday, December 7, 2012

Beating Gratitude

Hearts in Nature

There are theories that we only get so many breathes or so many beats of our hearts in a lifetime...I am hoping this is incorrect.  My resting heart rate is still around 94, which is considered "poor" by all standards, especially considering my blood pressure struggles to reach 100/60 and I am not overweight.  It's a sign that my body is still stressed, still fighting off infections.  But when I see these numbers it reminds me of those creepy clocks you can get that counts down your life expectancy.  Who in their right mind would want to stare at that all day...not me.  My heart may still be beating too fast, but it is filled with gratitude.  My amazing friend here has been well, my heart is grateful.  After the third blood treatment in a row yesterday as I got home and my heart was pounding out of my chest just to get upstairs to collapse into bed, she continued to care for me.  She dealt with the cable guy, she dealt with a bed delivery, and without me asking she made me dinner and when I didn't think I could eat she gently pushed me to so I was taken care of before she needed to leave.  These are the things that make your heart swell with gratitude, these gestures of kindness, sometimes you just have to accept that it is your turn to accept the graciousness of others.  Humble, it makes you humble.

This is my simple religion.  There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy.
Our own brains, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy in kindness..

My heart is well cared for these days, and although it continues to beat too fast, I am grateful that it feels loved.  All of this support and kindness directed my was has brought strength to that organ that had begun to collect pretty many scars.  When this illness started, now almost 8 plus years ago, every day I felt as if it not only chipped away at my body, every day it broke a piece of my heart.  

This Eddie Vedder video is beautiful and it speaks of how he feels his entire being changed when he had his daughter..."it changes your brain waves...your chemical reactions..."  I couldn't agree more and can not thank all of you enough for writing to me, commenting on my blog, reading and has begun I truly believe to change my DNA.  Thank you, for you are now apart of this journey and you have made my heart stronger.

Eddie Vedder - Skipping - 

I want to comment in case people reading this are CFS sufferers...I am doing a completely unconventional treatment protocol with an extremely talented doctor.  My high heart rate is consistent with Orthostatic Intolerance that nearly 95% of CFS/ ME individuals suffer.  I have chosen not to go on beta blockers, with the blessing from my cardiologist.  However, please take the time to read Sue Jackson's blog post regarding beta blockers and how they have helped her and others.  Whatever works...that is what i say...whatever you find that works for you...In Depth Information on Beta Blockers for CFS and Heart Conditions we deal with. 


  1. Hi! :) Why did you choose not to use beta blockers?

    1. i am sorry - i meant to "reply" but i added a new comment...below...thanks...heather

  2. Hello Francessco...first thank you for reading my blog...the reasons are a bit long and complicated...but personally...first I don't do well with drugs..never have. Secondly my main objective is taking the infection load down with the very intense treatments I am doing...from a Naturopathic viewpoint...much of the increase in heart rate is due to the body dealing with chronic infections...also my cardiologist agreed that the elevated heart rate is d/t the gestalt of this illness and is comfortable with the treatments and how far i have come with the protocol i am doing. Also the beta blockers only treat one symptom not the cause of this illness - while that can be a very powerful tool to get people through the day...I have a chosen a different path...This is why I added Sue Jackson's link, because my path is non conventional I don't want anyone to miss out on what has helped others...I am answering more as a patient than a doctor...if you would like message me your email I would be happy to respond personally and give you my doctor's info if you are in need of a second opinon. Thank you for your kind thoughts.

  3. My email is:
    I'm reading your blog already from few months. I have too much problems with my orthostatic intolerance and high heart rate in this time. So tomorrow I have an appointment with a cardiologist (doesn't know about CFS/ME!) for a check up and I will ask him for beta blockers. But I don't understand which is my problem about heart rate and low blood pressure. Maybe only neurologic? Or also cardiac or immune? Boh! Beta blockers are an opportunity but It's also a perspective that I don't like totally and also scare me a little! Some doctors bless this solution, others absolutely no! I don't know what to do. Thank you for answer and hearing. :) Francesco


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