Whining. My three year old niece recently discovered its merits. And while I was getting ready for this afternoon, and procrastinating making muffins, I felt like I sure am doing a bit too much whining. I don't mean to be, and I certainly don't feel like it makes things much better, so I hope I haven't been misunderstood. As I looked back at my posts, they are often on the bad days, and that isn't quite by design. Its more out of a desire to try to give insight to something that if I didn't experience myself I truly do not know if I would understand.
Not too long ago I was reading a short blurb about the author Laura Hillenbrand and though she rarely speaks of her chronic fatigue, rather focusing on writing about other's struggles, she was describing her situation. In one article she described her bedroom where she keeps a mini refrig so that if she can't get downstairs she has what she needs by her bed. And me, me of all people, actually thought to myself - seriously! And I couldn't believe myself, how could I not comprehend that? In an article Ms. Hillenbrand had published for the New Yorker where she shares her journey of chronic fatigue she also dismissed any forms of "alternative" therapies after having a bad experience with one practitioner. That time again, I found myself ready google Ms. Hillenbrand's address and say, have you tried hydrotherapy, nutrient IV's, testing your blood levels for staph or strep? Have you had your parathyroid levels tested? How about blood photopheris? And I caught myself, Laura Hillenbrand, New York Times Best Selling author, is obviously a smart woman. She has managed to write two novels, in spite of this illness. And I get it, I see someone, whom I believe is "worse" off than myself - which is somewhat ironic considering her success. And even I living with this have that knee jerk reaction to find her a solution.
This is why I "whine". Because I know how hard it must be for someone outside looking in to understand this enigma of an illness, considering most days I don't even get it myself. And although, I do try as someone said in a facebook post today, quite well, that remember the holidays are difficult for many, so make the best out of your situation, it made me pause, I hope those reading understand that I do most days the best I can -
The first is Laura's article from the New Yorker magazine, the second an eye opening interview for USA Today. In it she states, I have an illness that I can not defeat - here is where we differ, but I understand, empathize, and respect the choices she has made to learn to live with this illness. But Laura, if you care to chat...I know, I know. So, I couldn't resist, I posted info on her Facebook page and a comment page on her Unbroken page.